i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize