omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
