just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
