i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
