Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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