sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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