My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
