My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
