dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
