TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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