Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
