To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize