Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
