I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
