Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
