So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
