I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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