covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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