The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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