I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
