and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
