I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
