we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
this will be a night to untag.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
