you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
