6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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