opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
