I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
