I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
