Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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