She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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