let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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