The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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