My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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