I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
