dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
