How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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