All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
