My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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