Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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