Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
