YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
