so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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