and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
