I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I only lived at night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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