He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize