My hand turned me down
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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