when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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