Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  My cock was attacked by outdoor plants

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  (631): My cock was attacked by outdoor plants http://tfl.nu/04m9
  Replies (4) Good night (520) Bad night (1157)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

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  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4640) Bad night (706)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?

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  (706): Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date? http://tfl.nu/833l
  Replies (60) Good night (491) Bad night (4370)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night

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  (815): Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night http://tfl.nu/n9gx
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (3743)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

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  (775): I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie. http://tfl.nu/cht2
  Replies (53) Good night (9147) Bad night (793)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own

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  (864): i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own http://tfl.nu/koat
  Replies (13) Good night (653) Bad night (3979)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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  (401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb
  Replies (111) Good night (1224) Bad night (6771)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

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  (770): A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES! http://tfl.nu/kktf
  Replies (21) Good night (4412) Bad night (862)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1526) Bad night (5054)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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  (319): For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july.. http://tfl.nu/uo05
  Replies (3) Good night (1073) Bad night (2633)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.

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  (256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v
  Replies (5) Good night (4610) Bad night (899)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?

  (+48): View more from Poland

  Poland

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  (+44): You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you? (+48): Poland http://tfl.nu/96rz
  Replies (10) Good night (4158) Bad night (602)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

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  (817): one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog." http://tfl.nu/q8wu
  Replies (8) Good night (351) Bad night (896)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.

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  (480): So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely. http://tfl.nu/qe4o
  Replies (2) Good night (543) Bad night (257)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.

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  (203): Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today. http://tfl.nu/77td
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (186)

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