We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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