the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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