This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again