we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere