and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.