Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.

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  (617): a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo. http://tfl.nu/rlno
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

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  (561): I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho.. http://tfl.nu/ry7a
  Replies (6) Good night (578) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  did it hurt when the cum got in your eye

  (469): View more from Texas

  not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash

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  (214): did it hurt when the cum got in your eye (469): not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash http://tfl.nu/j0vs
  Replies (44) Good night (751) Bad night (2869)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly

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  (970): Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly http://tfl.nu/eo7f
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16409) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.

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  (732): doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn. http://tfl.nu/3kzi
  Replies (15) Good night (1389) Bad night (4857) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

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  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (1051) Bad night (3251) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

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  (617): she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE. http://tfl.nu/mzqa
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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  (314): In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk. http://tfl.nu/6bmy
  Replies (28) Good night (6717) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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  (+64): You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited. http://tfl.nu/941d
  Replies (4) Good night (1461) Bad night (680)
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  (661): View more from California

  We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.

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  (661): We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila. http://tfl.nu/fos5
  Replies (21) Good night (680) Bad night (3547) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.

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  (563): You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing. http://tfl.nu/fl0p
  Replies (12) Good night (1770) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Keeping it classy as usual I see

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  (229): It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back. (904): Keeping it classy as usual I see http://tfl.nu/9n6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1360) Bad night (516)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just took the cheapest shot in your honor

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  (304): I just took the cheapest shot in your honor http://tfl.nu/u3ke
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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  (610): I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work. http://tfl.nu/9c2o
  Replies (1) Good night (213) Bad night (468)

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