isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
