She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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