I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
