Welp...herpes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
