6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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