giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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