he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
