roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
