My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
