i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
