i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
