if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
