please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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