I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
