I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
