that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
