umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
