Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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