You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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