He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
