They should really pass out barf bags in church
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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